Noreene McMillin
Humor
People wonder how long Jim Maloof has been in the real estate business. It's a little-known fact that
Moses brought three tablets down from the mountain - two were the Ten Commandments and the
other was Jim's real-estate license!
A seller wanted me to list her house as maintenance free. In the last 25 years she hasn't done any
maintenance.
My buyer told me that he lived in the same house for 20 years. I found out he'd still be there today if
the Governor hadn't pardoned him.
Why do some home builders think "Built to Code" means building your house to the worst the law
will allow!
Q. How many Lawyers does it take to shingle a roof ?
A. It depends on how thin you slice them...
A children's book to avoid buying for your kids: "Ed Beckley's Start a Real-Estate Empire with the
change from your Mom's Purse". Who needs the competition?
Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement.
The sellers told me their house was near the water. It was in the basement.
If you want to know exactly where the property line is, just watch the neighbor cut the grass.
Q: When is a one-story house a two-story house?
A: You get one story before you buy and the second story after.
Realtor to First Time Homebuyer: First let's have a frank discussion about what you can afford ... then
we'll all laugh hysterically and go on from there.
You know you have hired the wrong landscaper when he keeps yelling "green side up!" to the crew
laying sod.
How do real estate agents traditionally greet each other?
"Hi. Nice to meet you. I'm better than you."
A broker was dismayed when a brand new real estate office much like his own opened up next door
and erected a huge sign which read 'BEST AGENTS.' He was horrified when another competitor
opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading 'LOWEST
COMMISSIONS.' The broker panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his
own real estate office. It read: 'MAIN ENTRANCE' .
Some last words of advice:
- If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead.
- Never accept a drink from a urologist.
- When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.
- Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
- Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
- People are always available for work in the past tense.
- Of the choice of two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
| 309-264-2971 nmcmillin@maloofrealty.com |
Copyright © 2006, Dave McMillin. All rights reserved. Jim Maloof / Realtor®, East Peoria, IL
Dave McMillin
| 309-264-7264 dmcmillin@maloofrealty.com |
Peoria Real Estate Humor